GOD SAVE THE KING!

Phew!
For a moment I began to think the bally Trots were going to mount a coup!

Normal service is resumed.

God save King Dave.
And IDS (Peace Be Upon Him).

I've got five years to extend that ruddy conservatory, or Mrs.Mac won't be getting that second home in Walberswick.
Time to phone Bagshot Russell (My financial advisor).
Might need to cash-in that extra pension.
Shame.
I was hoping to invest it in a mobility-copter for Glyndebourne or Glasto.

THE PROBLEM WITH TRUMPTONSHIRE (AND IN PARTICULAR, CAMBERWICK GREEN)

It would appear rather obvious to anyone who cares, that in order to reduce the deficit and maintain a robust economy, we need to cut public services.

Now, I'm all for a regular bus timetable.
Without concise timings, and rigid punctuality, the hard-fought plans of IDS (Peace Be Upon Him) would be nothing more than an exercise in redeployment.
We need workers, of course we do.
Our banks and retailers will not grow exponentially, if we don't feed them a healthy dose of human misery.

But I will not stand idly by, and watch millions of our Great British Pounds, wash away down the drains of the public sector.
In order to reduce the deficit and maintain a robust economy, we need to invest in stocks & shares, ensure everyone over 65 has a healthy mortgage, and stop spending our money on Johnny Foreigner, the feckless, the bad-back brigade and wanton single mothers.
If you're a bally bin-man, be thankful you're not in Afghanistan or The Falklands, taking on the Argies and IRIS.
If you're a teacher, enjoy your ruddy holidays, and TEACH for heaven's sake!
If you're a nurse, try & be a little more sympathetic, and make sure you can speak Her Majesty the Queen's English, before sticking anything up my bottom.

In order to reduce the deficit and maintain a robust economy, we need to be a lot more like we used to be, and a lot less like Trumpton.
Or for that matter, Chigley.

In the town of Camberwick Green there is a fire service.
Smart chaps.
Always well turned out, polished boots, shiny brass and the what-not.
But they are constantly out on-call, primarily because everything is wooden and made by traditional craftsmen, such as Chippy Minton.
And also because of cats.
Stuck up trees, stuck in trees, stuck near a tree, or caught up in a windmill.
They could improve things an awful lot if they banned cats.

The bureaucratic cretin at the Town Hall has no idea about funding (probably a bloody Trot) and he nonchalantly bank-rolls these public servants, every week, and then expects them to play music in the park bandstand every day!!!
What a complete waste of good honest taxpayers' money!
In order to reduce the deficit and maintain a robust economy we mustn't pay overtime to public sector workers.
We are not a ruddy something-for-nothing society!

And there's a whole PLATOON of soldiers at Pippin Fort.
And a drawbridge.
Instead of trundling around in an army truck (and a humpety-bumpety army truck at that) why doesn't Captain Snort teach his NCO's how to play a bally brass instrument, and relieve the overpaid & over-utilised fire service of some of their duties?

Bolsheviks I can only imagine?
And tree-huggers as well no doubt.
The army was never this incompetent under Major IDS (Peace Be Upon Him).
He knows how to motivate the idle.

So I therefore say, nay DEMAND - Bring Back National Service!

God Bless Her Majesty.
And in order to reduce the deficit and maintain a robust economy - Vote Tory.

JE SUIS MAXIMUS

Thought I'd re-join the blogosphere for a chance to express a few ruddy well chosen words or two.

Marvellous news today!
Despite a lot of nay-saying from Multi-Bland, Balls-Up and the dishonourable gentlemen opposite, it would appear that those of us on the Income Based Contribution Employment & Support Allowance Scheme do receive an annual pay increase, not so much in line with inflation, but more in recognition of austerity, and the tough times ahead.
A beautifully constructed letter from the DWP and IDS (Peace Be Upon Him) arrived this morning, informing me that as of April 2015, my fortnightly payment would rise by nearly two guineas, or two pounds & thirty pence in the new-fangled metric pinko sense.
The letter, sent from Belfast via Post Handling Site B in Wolverhampton, that acts on behalf of the Norwich, Norfolk office, out of Bury St.Edmunds (for all Lowestoft Area correspondence), did not calculate the exact pay rise percentage figure, but thanks to a free gift (a solar powered calculator) from my friends at Parker Knoll, I reckoned that it was an increase of either 4152% or 1.05%.
(I tend to favour the latter figure, as I know Dave & Georgie are getting tough on high percentages).
But even so, a sure sign that this septic isle is fast becoming an economic behemoth, in a world that quite frankly, is not what it used to be.

I can only assume that the Yanks had quite a lot to do with this.
They bailed us out in '44, kept the Commies and Johnny Foreigner from our door, and now in the shape of Maximus, they're going to put Benefit Street Britain back into work, and away from the seductive charms of Messrs Lambert, Butler & Greggs.
The chaps that masterminded the WorkFare scheme, have landed on our beaches and are ready to tackle the poor & undeserving, by nuking their culture of entitlement for the paltry sum of just £500million.

I certainly won't be missing those Froggy type blighters from ATOS.
If they can't handle some good-natured British banter, then what chance have they got re-homing our feckless young adults, all sitting at home indiscriminately shooting Prussians in Call of Candy Crush II, let alone any chance of winning the 5 Nations rugger?
As if Michael Roux and Hector's House isn't enough, they're practically running SeaLink these days! And most (if not all) are bolsheviks, with their late lunches and two-day-weeks on their minds;
when they're not smoking in cafes and leering at our women-folk.
Good riddance to the bally lot of them!
A bunch of Prosecco Charlies if you ask me.

I only hope that Lowestoft John (my Personal Advisor) can get his job back.
Myself & the chaps 'down on the line' really miss him.
Street credibility really isn't enough when you're unemployed, despite the fun that me & the lads have.
I suppose if you're a 'pub man' or a 'club man', you should make the most of every day and not let hard times stand in your way.I genuinely think it's time to give a wham (and a bam), because the benefit gang are going to pay.........

God Save The Queen.