JE SUIS MAXIMUS

Thought I'd re-join the blogosphere for a chance to express a few ruddy well chosen words or two.

Marvellous news today!
Despite a lot of nay-saying from Multi-Bland, Balls-Up and the dishonourable gentlemen opposite, it would appear that those of us on the Income Based Contribution Employment & Support Allowance Scheme do receive an annual pay increase, not so much in line with inflation, but more in recognition of austerity, and the tough times ahead.
A beautifully constructed letter from the DWP and IDS (Peace Be Upon Him) arrived this morning, informing me that as of April 2015, my fortnightly payment would rise by nearly two guineas, or two pounds & thirty pence in the new-fangled metric pinko sense.
The letter, sent from Belfast via Post Handling Site B in Wolverhampton, that acts on behalf of the Norwich, Norfolk office, out of Bury St.Edmunds (for all Lowestoft Area correspondence), did not calculate the exact pay rise percentage figure, but thanks to a free gift (a solar powered calculator) from my friends at Parker Knoll, I reckoned that it was an increase of either 4152% or 1.05%.
(I tend to favour the latter figure, as I know Dave & Georgie are getting tough on high percentages).
But even so, a sure sign that this septic isle is fast becoming an economic behemoth, in a world that quite frankly, is not what it used to be.

I can only assume that the Yanks had quite a lot to do with this.
They bailed us out in '44, kept the Commies and Johnny Foreigner from our door, and now in the shape of Maximus, they're going to put Benefit Street Britain back into work, and away from the seductive charms of Messrs Lambert, Butler & Greggs.
The chaps that masterminded the WorkFare scheme, have landed on our beaches and are ready to tackle the poor & undeserving, by nuking their culture of entitlement for the paltry sum of just £500million.

I certainly won't be missing those Froggy type blighters from ATOS.
If they can't handle some good-natured British banter, then what chance have they got re-homing our feckless young adults, all sitting at home indiscriminately shooting Prussians in Call of Candy Crush II, let alone any chance of winning the 5 Nations rugger?
As if Michael Roux and Hector's House isn't enough, they're practically running SeaLink these days! And most (if not all) are bolsheviks, with their late lunches and two-day-weeks on their minds;
when they're not smoking in cafes and leering at our women-folk.
Good riddance to the bally lot of them!
A bunch of Prosecco Charlies if you ask me.

I only hope that Lowestoft John (my Personal Advisor) can get his job back.
Myself & the chaps 'down on the line' really miss him.
Street credibility really isn't enough when you're unemployed, despite the fun that me & the lads have.
I suppose if you're a 'pub man' or a 'club man', you should make the most of every day and not let hard times stand in your way.I genuinely think it's time to give a wham (and a bam), because the benefit gang are going to pay.........

God Save The Queen.