He Who Strives

He Who Strives

SNIVELLING LITTLE FLAG-WAVING GROVELLERS

Now, I'm all for a bit of patriotism.
If Strauss & Co. weren't such whingers, I'd probably have bought Mrs.Mac a subscription to SkyTV for her birthday; or at least a one-way ticket to Abu Dhabi.

But this whole Diamond Jubilee thing.

It's gone beyond a celebration of Her Royal Highness, Her Majesty's Power & Dominion Over All Things Great British & Northern Irish, and turned into a rather poorly attended barbecue, in the garden of a work-shy layabout, who only shops at Asda.

Yes. Of course we should celebrate Elizabeth Regina's 100years on the throne.
And yes. We should take to the streets, festooned in the colours of Empire, for one day, in which hard-working bank clerks and their employers, can relax and enjoy themselves.
But all this Official Accession Day, followed by Official Coronation Day, followed by Trooping the Colour, and then the Olympics, followed by then another Bank Holiday.
Well, it all seems a little, dare I say, jingoistic?

I have been found 'fit for work' by those fine chappies at Atos, and despite his initial reluctance, Lowestoft John (my Personal Adviser) thinks I may have a chance at being employed as well. He only joked yesterday that my perseverance in using landline telephonic communications would make me an awfully good double-glazing/solar panelling salesperson! (He said 'salesman' so I naturally corrected his mistake).
The problem with Lowestoft John is that he doesn't yet realise that I have no experience in windows or doors.
Nice to be thought of though.

So my problem is, if we are to have almost half a year off for flag-waving, plus another 3 months off for inclement weather, will there be enough work to go around?
I know Dave seems to think so, that's why he's welcoming Australians to our shore; the ones who can act or sing a bit.
If I'm honest, when Kylie Minogue left for home, things did start to get a little worse. And the economy slid further downhill when Dannii left X Factor, so there's a method in his antipodean madness.
And IDS is still hopeful, although he remains steadfastly quiet these days.

I wept a little when I saw children waving flags at Her Majesty this morning.
Not because they were being patriotic to our head of state, but because they were out of school (called 'truancy' in my day), when the snow had quite obviously melted, and there was little excuse.
I noted one or two feckless parents trying to avoid the glare of the cameras too.
I bet they're all on this £26,000 gravy train?

What we need is more Personal Advisers, and a lot less holidays.
Bring back the 6day week, abolish the benefits system, and let's make the Britain that the fine filly Elizabeth inherited, 'Great' again.

IDEAS FOR IDS

After yesterday's escapade I find myself bedridden again.
It's the only downside to these marvellous drugs that those boffin chaps at Pfizer and Glaxo keep creating.
The quack says I'm immuno-suppressed, but I've never really taken much advice from a woman.
It would appear however, that if I get coughed on or touched up by the great unwashed, I do seem to inherit their filth rather regularly.
My encounter with the hoi polloi in Lowestoft's JobCentrePlus could only be described as " a lot of ill people with illnesses being ill all over other ill people".
I've no idea what I've contracted but I'm sure it's a symptom of the underclass.

So it got me thinking about this ruddy well-needed shake up of the whole benefits system.
Shirkers and idlers will always embrace a tickly throat, if a session on the sofa with 'Cash In The Attic' and a bag of Haribo are considered convalescing.
This will lead to further unemployment and an economy so far up the Swanee that it moors itself at Thessaloniki.

I propose to Mr Duncan Smith that those receiving income-related ESA (what we used to call the dole before Blair & Brown) go into the JobCentrePlus on one day, and those receiving contribution-based ESA (what we used to call Incapacity Benefit before Clegg & Cable) go into the JobCentrePlus, on an entirely different day.

The work-shy scroungers on the dole all receive FREE prescriptions (as well as dental, eyes & wigs) and therefore have no excuse when poorly.
They should be healthy & at work, or chucking-up their Lidl lunch at home.

Those of us who still have to pay for our prescriptions, seemingly due to paying N.I. subscriptions for many years, should have a one-on-one appointment with our Personal Adviser, who should be medically tested before each interview.
Contracting communicable diseases will not get any of us back to work.
Especially when we can ill afford the multiple £7-40s to combat them.

I commend this to the House, via the Daily Mail Letters page.


NEXT WEEK:
Why Most Americans Have Got It Right
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/personal-essays/when-youre-not-sick-enough/

IAN DUNCAN SMITH WAS ROBBED

My experience with the DWP thus far has been a confusing one.
It's obvious that IDS has had a ruddy good shake-up, and isn't going to let this wonderful country of ours be held to ransom by a bunch of lefties and work-shy dossers.
Only yesterday I had a tele-con with a provincial sounding member of the old-school Job Centres. He sounded so tired and sorry for him, and myself, that I wouldn't be surprised if he was one of Wilson's Labour Exchange lot!
Full of advice on how to work the system, he wearily explained that different outside organisations were dealing with the Coalition Government's cull, and it would be in my interest to get supporting medical evidence if I wished to continue sponging off the state!

Needless to say, I took his name.

I realised today that I pressed the wrong telephone key, and that's why I spoke to an outgoing member of staff in 'Incapacity Benefit'.
No doubt he'll contact his union soon, if he hasn't done so already, and look into options with regard to his over-inflated pension.
Trot.

But happily today I pressed Option 3 (ESA) on my telephone key-pad, and I was transported to a brave new world.
A well-spoken lass dealt with my enquiry abruptly and with no empathy whatsoever.
"What exactly was my problem?" she repeatedly asked.
No shilly-shallying. Straight to the point.
(I took her name also, as I'm rather hoping she may be my 'Personal Adviser')

It's this new breed of Public Sector worker, that I feel will get GB working once again.
Beds back, curtains back, twice around the parade ground and a freezing cold shower before breakfast.

If we can just get that Euro-loving, French-tickling, sausage-hunting Cameron out of office, and get IDS back into the hot-seat, it'll be no more neverending dole queues, and a bad-back brigade that can be thankful they're alive.
God Bless Conservatism!