IDEAS FOR IDS

After yesterday's escapade I find myself bedridden again.
It's the only downside to these marvellous drugs that those boffin chaps at Pfizer and Glaxo keep creating.
The quack says I'm immuno-suppressed, but I've never really taken much advice from a woman.
It would appear however, that if I get coughed on or touched up by the great unwashed, I do seem to inherit their filth rather regularly.
My encounter with the hoi polloi in Lowestoft's JobCentrePlus could only be described as " a lot of ill people with illnesses being ill all over other ill people".
I've no idea what I've contracted but I'm sure it's a symptom of the underclass.

So it got me thinking about this ruddy well-needed shake up of the whole benefits system.
Shirkers and idlers will always embrace a tickly throat, if a session on the sofa with 'Cash In The Attic' and a bag of Haribo are considered convalescing.
This will lead to further unemployment and an economy so far up the Swanee that it moors itself at Thessaloniki.

I propose to Mr Duncan Smith that those receiving income-related ESA (what we used to call the dole before Blair & Brown) go into the JobCentrePlus on one day, and those receiving contribution-based ESA (what we used to call Incapacity Benefit before Clegg & Cable) go into the JobCentrePlus, on an entirely different day.

The work-shy scroungers on the dole all receive FREE prescriptions (as well as dental, eyes & wigs) and therefore have no excuse when poorly.
They should be healthy & at work, or chucking-up their Lidl lunch at home.

Those of us who still have to pay for our prescriptions, seemingly due to paying N.I. subscriptions for many years, should have a one-on-one appointment with our Personal Adviser, who should be medically tested before each interview.
Contracting communicable diseases will not get any of us back to work.
Especially when we can ill afford the multiple £7-40s to combat them.

I commend this to the House, via the Daily Mail Letters page.


NEXT WEEK:
Why Most Americans Have Got It Right
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/personal-essays/when-youre-not-sick-enough/

IAN 'LL FIX IT

Great to hear IDS on the wireless today, doling out priceless motivational talk to the feckless youth of, I dunno;
it sounded like South London (lots of innits & like).

And in the light of Sir Jimmy Saville's passing, I think our lord & saviour could do a lot worse than having a prime-time TV slot, in which he shows the 'yoof' just how easy it really IS to get work.

There was one chap on there saying he couldn't get a bag-packing job at Sainsburys, because of his criminal record, and I thought rightly so!
I certainly don't want my Nectar Point vouchers being stolen by him, whilst I'm spending my £400 ESA on a Xmas shop.
He said he'd been for several interviews.
I bet he hadn't tried applying for a bag-packing job in Lidl or Asda though!

The deadline for my 'appeal' against my capability for work decision is tomorrow.
I'm going to leave it, because as long as we all stay out of the way of the Greeks, the Italians and protesting students, I reckon we'll be out of this double-dip blip by New Year's Eve.

IDS interviewed another chap who sounded a little brighter than the crim ( a lot less demanding 'y'know's ), and decided there & then, that he could have this fella in employment within 3hrs, despite this lad being out of work for 11months.
And I bet he bloody did it too!
Marvellously inspirational man.

If only more people had the protestant work-ethic of Mr Duncan Smith, instead of being work-shy scroungers.
Can he fix it?
Of course he can.
And he won't even charge you.