WHY TESCO COULD START SELLING GUNS

I'm beginning to feel a little bit out of touch with society.
I'm actually beginning to think that Lady T was right, on the one issue we disagreed.
How can so many British people be opposed to a Workshare scheme that offers good, solid, back-breaking opportunities, to the millions of hopeless kids from Generation i, that will keep them off MyFace and Bobo, and prevent them watching endless Jeremy Vine shows?
IDS and Chrissy G were right to call these luddites 'job-snobs'.
If Lowestoft John(my Personal Adviser) is correct in his calculations, there's a job for everyone out there. Not just me.
The work-shy have just got to get their fingers out of their eye-pods, and find one.
I myself applied for both the Wolverhampton Wanderers' manager's job AND the Chelsea manager's job this week.
(Chelsea were quick to respond that they didn't have a vacancy yet).

And I see that even more 'pseudo-capitalist' Trotskyite organisations are joining Jammy Oliver's Sainsburys lot.
I've no idea who Maplins, Argos or Superdrug are, but their withdrawal from this brilliant scheme just goes to show how liberal-lefty we've all become.

Only the other day I went to the theatre to see a play about John Peel's Shed by that Osborne fella; not the one who's spent too long under the bed with Red Vince (when did it become Tory policy to maintain taxation for heaven's sake? I sincerely hope Dr.Fox and his Network Chart can overthrow this ruddy pinko soon, and prevent further public spending!)
No. This Osborne was an arty-farty type with a shoddy haircut.
So after a huge argument with Mrs.Mac over whether I should wear Blue Stratos or Paco Rabanne (the latter won; as it always should for theatre engagements) we set about enduring an hour & ten minutes of idle tosh about 'popular music' of all things!
There wasn't one reference to John Peel's National Service days; something myself, and most Radio Times readers know him for, only too well.
We would've left early were it not for the hoardes of unwashed kids standing and clogging up the aisles.
Was this theatre or a bally pop concert?

Anyway, it led me to thinking about what Kinky Clegg had been saying with regard to all these so-called 'neets'.
If they really were a ticking time-bomb, and in the light of the recent defence cuts, why not use this explosive mass of apathy for military purposes?
Tesco's wishy-washy stance about offering these benefit scroungers a living wage, as well as a bit of discipline and a uniform, could be harnessed and packaged as a form of National Service, if you like.
It didn't do John Peel any harm, and just think how many Clubcard points one would get on the purchase of a GPMG or a Lee Enfield?
Give all of these eye-phone gazing hoodies a decent haircut, a tin of Kiwi boot polish, a bit of Duraglit and a massive dollop of elbow grease, and we might just save the Faroes from Argentine invasion.
I'm not necessarily advocating sending the Tesco feckless into battle with the Talibanese, but I am suggesting that if we have to give them money, let's prop up the nation before we prop up Tesco shareholders.
They get the experience, Tesco get the gun & polish sales, and we reap the Clubcard point rewards.

I might even think about applying for a PT instructor's role at boot camp!

(Providing it doesn't involve too much standing, or raising my arm at a right angle for prolonged periods).

IT WAS EXPLOITATION THAT BUILT US AN EMPIRE.

I'm absolutely livid with the state of the UK economy.
It would appear that some of our finest British institutions are making huge staff-cutbacks, whilst the seemingly neverending dole queue gets larger & larger, thus creating further queues of job-shirkers, trying to get Daytime Double-Deals.

Tried to book a mid-week, midday table last week, at Prezzos, Zizzis and WagaMaMas, and all were fully booked.
Couldn't even get a table at Nando's, and this was on the 13th of February, not the special day itself.
Ended up watching War Horse for a 3rd time, but I let Mrs.Mac have a cheesy dip with her nachos on this one occasion.

So it would appear we're going to go the way of the wops & Frogs, and have our Amateur Athletics Association ratings reduced.
Good riddance I say.
The sooner the Chinese get over here and re-instate National Service, the better.

Meanwhile, all the twittering dogshit-steppers are up in arms about Mandatory Work Activity. If they all stopped gazing into their eye-phones and watched where they're heading, they'd see that a bit of unpaid work could well be the bally tonic this septic isle is in need of.
Tesco are offering free uniforms and a potential career path for the feckless, and all the couch potato copy & pasters can do, is bleat to each other about so-called unfairness and unwarranted exploitation.

And I see the pinkos at Waterstones & Sainsbury's are distancing themselves from this brave move by Dave?
It's a 'workfare' scheme.
No one said anything about 'work-fair' schemes.
The DFS sale is over.
Your Moonpig app is worthless.
It's time to get your fingers out.
(I certainly won't be buying any of Jammy Oliver's Taste Your Differences Butternut Squash Risotto + Fresh Rocket for a while, that's for sure).

Lowestoft John (my Personal Adviser) has assured me that my inability to stand for any length of time, and my sporadic inability to lift anything, will not discount me from this new initiative.
I'm in one of IDS' DWP WRAGs, so I'm more than capable of having an equal chance with the unwashed.
It would appear that a lot of the bad-back brigade give up workfare within the first thirteen weeks (probably nipping back to mum & dads' in Poland for a handout!) thus creating even more career opportunities for those of us who actually want to work.

The problem with these million-or-so benefit scrounging kids is that they don't understand the concept of austerity.
Not all of us can be fashion designers or social-media experts.
Some of us are foot-soldiers.
An army marches on its stomach, and an apple a day can certainly make a man(or woman) of everyone.
And if Tesco go down the Swanee, it won't be just the Finest apples we'll be missing.
I think there's a fair chance that Value pet insurance and Clubcard deals will suffer too.

I think I'm going to try and excel at trolley-collecting.
Every Tom Dick or Mary is going to want to stack shelves, or be the Deputy Manager, so I might try my hand at more niche skills.
I hope I get a name badge.